Sunday, April 6, 2008

The Chemistry of Hell

There is a fifty percent chance it's not true, but it's still funny:

The following is an actual question given on a University of
Washington chemistry mid-term.

The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor
shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why
we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic
(absorbs heat).

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's
Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or
some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in
time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell
and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely
assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no
souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look
at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of
these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion,
you will go to Hell.

Since there is more than one of these religions and since people
do not belong
to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to
Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the
number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the
rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that
in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same,
the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which
souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will
increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of
souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell
freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my
Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with
you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night,
then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is
exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory
is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not
accepting any more souls and is therefore,extinct......leaving only
Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains
why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."



Anonymous said...

LOL! Very good one!

Anonymous said...


Benji Lovitt said...

That is ridiculous!

Lioness said...

I came here to apologise for not noticing you'd updated - but this is cheating! Fun ro re-read though, that one's been making the roundcs for a while.

Ahuva said...

It's been making the rounds, but has also been changing. The version I know claims that hell isn't freezing over since he hadn't slept with the lady in question, therefore hell is exothermic.

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