Pangs

Over a year has passed since my last post. During this last year, angst engulfed me. But more about that in another post, if I get around to it.

We are on a family vacation in Romania and it's been mostly awful. First of all, because of the war, and the fact that our hospital is the closest to the fighting, all senior physicians need permission from the director of the hospital to leave the country. So, I went on vacation with mixed feelings. Secondly, Romania is a beautiful country with absolutely atrocious roads. It is a constant effort to keep one's internal organs in their proper places. The food ranges from average to nauseating. Getting food poisoning didn't add to my opinion. We are staying in mostly B & B's (breakfast not always offered). These ranged from not very clean to downright moldy. After four days, I was ready to go home fed up. This is very odd for me. I love traveling, and never get homesick, even when the conditions are primitive. It's usually the rest of the family that gets pangs of homesickness around the ten day mark.

We are of course following the events at home closely. Each soldier killed or wounded hits us. Three soldiers from my village have been buried. More than usual, the glue that binds our nation together is felt strongly, even overseas. 

A few days before our flight, the war had started, and I took part in the treatment of the wounded that arrived in the trauma room. I'm no more in my element than when taking care of the wounded. During those couple of days, I felt more connected to my profession than I had in the last year. 

Leaving on vacation felt like desertion. That feeling is at the crux of my dissatisfaction here. All my nitpicking is secondary. On the one hand, it is good, especially for the children, to escape the constant tension of air raid sirens and rushing to the shelter. On other hand, there are the pangs of homesickness and of wanting to get back to the action.

I was overwhelmed with emotion this past Sabbath Eve. Tearfully I added psalms and the prayer for the protection of our soldiers to the usual Sabbath blessings. In a few days we'll be home, and I will be back doing what I should be doing, treating the sick and wounded.