I will begin with a caveat. I mean no disrespect towards my surgical colleagues with the following rant, I have an excellent working relationship with the vast majority. Having said that, today I was unfortunate enough to work with one of those despicable characters who believe that the Sun rises from their derrière (pardon the rude language). He is nearing pension and is of the generation of surgeons who sincerely believe that mere mortals should bow down and bask in the glow of their specialness. They do not recognize the fact that surgery today is a team effort, and no matter how good a surgeon is, he/she can't do magic without the supporting staff, period.
Today's prima dona was of the aforementioned species. This particular surgeon entered the OR all fire and brimstone, bitching and moaning about the floor being crooked, the current generation of residents having no work ethic, why aren't the lights adjusted correctly over the surgical field, blah, blah, blah, blah, ad nauseum. (I'm thinking, "Oh shut up and operate already!") He had an attitude with a capital "A" and no one, but no one was beyond censure.
At some point during the operation, the muscle relaxant wore off and just as I was about to inject another dose he started complaining. I replied that I noticed and was in the middle of the injection. He responded with, "A good anesthesiologist would have noticed long before." The Bastard.
I saw red. Nobody, but nobody, talks to me that way. I have a couple of good retorts for supercilious jerks. However, I was taught to be polite to my elders. Besides, the Talmud urges us to show respect for our elders (even if they are total cruds). I firmly told him that insulting me was unnecessary and I could find him a different anesthesiologist to work with. He settled down after that.
Fret not dear readers, I will shortly expose my famous comebacks. These are usually reserved for surgeons who habitually fail to show me proper respect. These are not cases of treppenwitz. These have been used in real time. I believe in humility, but I will not back down and meekly accept insults from such bullies.
Response number one:
I'm sorry, I'm an excellent anesthesiologist, wait just a moment and I'll get you a merely good one.
Response number two aka Rule #10:
A surgeon is assigned the anesthesiologist he/she deserves.
I like the sound of that, me thinks to have that copyrighted. So:
All rights reserved to me.