Monday, December 31, 2007

Happy New Year

This year, as usual, I am on call. This is usual because most of my colleagues are Russian immigrants who have a passion for partying and celebration. Since the Jewish holidays are more important to me I don't mind being on call.
I remember a while back, I was on call in the MADA's Mobile ICU. Surprisingly, there were no traffic accidents due to the superb efforts of our men/women in blue. They were at every main intersection and the areas with a high saturation of pubs to prevent drunks from driving. Hopefully this year will be the same.
Unfortunately, there were not enough police to be inside the pubs. We were dispatched to a pub where a fight had occurred. Into the ambulance entered a huge Russian who wreaked of a nauseating combination of alcohol, blood, vomit, urine and feces. It was truely an attractive sight. He was also the proud owner of five extra holes that the Creator of the Universe had not intended. He had multiple stab wounds. Since he was conscious, I asked him what happened:
A ------- (ethnicity deleted) had hit on his wife. Since he had to protect her honor, he began arguing with the ------- (ethnicity deleted) who promptly bared a knife and exhibited his turkey carving skills to the assembled drunken partiers. Luckily for our patient, the -----(ethnicity deleted) was as inebriated as he, so that his trusty sabre only caused flesh wounds. Now, having seen the wife, who was almost as large as our patient and not as drunk, I came to the conclusion that she probably could have handled the lout herself.
I asked the gentleman if he learned something from this experience. He squinted at me completely uncomprehendingly (is that even a word?). I said, "When a -----(ethnicity deleted) hits on your wife, let her deal with him, and you just head for cover."
Fortunately for me, he didn't understand the joke.
Happy, and safe New Year to all.

11 comments:

SamSeven said...

Man that was kinda sick but pretty funny, BTW Happy New year right back at you!

Ldyblunote said...

I happened upon your blog through the irrepressible Treppowitz. Amazing how you can turn blood and guts into something amusingly readable. Then again, I was a big M*A*S*H fan....Keep 'em coming..:-)

Jack's Shack said...

Into the ambulance entered a huge Russian who wreaked of a nauseating combination of alcohol, blood, vomit, urine and feces. It was truely an attractive sight. He was also the proud owner of five extra holes that the Creator of the Universe had not intended.

That is quite the description.

Maya said...

I'm here by way of Treppenwitz. Wow. What a blog! I have read a few of your articles and I'm blown away. I'm terribly impressed by what you do. I can handle medical-type crisis if they are thrust upon me, but I couldn't do it if it were a regular thing for very long. Just the smell can be awful and you do this while on call, with little sleep and in harrowing situations. I'm so glad you have a blog because I learn about what life is like in Israel from people like you and David Bogner more than if I just had to depend upon the news here in the States. May G-d continue to bless the work of your hands.

QuietusLeo said...

ldyblunote- Thanks for the thumbsup. I grew up addicted to M*A*S*H. After serving in the army, it didn't seem so funny anymore.
jack's - I knew you'd like it ;) BTW, where do you get the time to write for so many blogs?
Maya - I'm glad you enjoyed it. I tell med students that everyone has a niche. I couldn't possibly be a family physician. I like my patients malleable so to speak.

Lioness said...

Belatedly, Happy New Year! I have been avoiding blogs in general bcs of exams (Hallo! Remember those days? Such fun to have to memorise compendiums.) and will further avoid them bcs I do need to pass every single one of them so as to ensure that my summer is brilliant as a FULLY-FLEDGED vet already, and my convoluted point is, I'll have a fab time catching up when they are over, in Fbruary.

Your responsibility, of course, is to remember the anguish of studying for exams and write loads, so I have loads to read when hell is finished. Yes? Toda lechah!

Baila said...

I also found you through Trep and am only a little jealous that you won the doll. I've always loved medical shows, and am now finding medical blogs. Yours is a good read...

buts its just unfair competing against someone who saves lives for a living!

Anonymous said...

I also found your blog through treppenwitz. I really enjoyed reading about your experiences as well as your reactions. It's like a real live MASH or ER! Actually - my daughter (a nurse just starting out in this profession) just started working in Coronary ICU in Soroca - she'll be the one that looks like a yemenite with the American accent! Through her years as a medic and as a student in Hebrew U (Assaf Harofeh)I learned a lot about medicine and a new appreciation for those who work in this field - sh'hashem yishmor aleichem! - Madelyn M.

Lioness said...

Blimey, this is an old post! I have 10 weeks of exams and one of the carrots I held in front of myself was, and I'm not joking, your posts when I finally had the time - and this is all you've writen in the meantime? Shame on you, oh for shame!

Quit sleeping and post, delirium tremens threatens.

QuietusLeo said...

Lioness, I really appreciate that you enjoy reading my blog. I'm so tired most of the time that I prefer to blog when I'm more or less concious and have something worthwhile to write. I refer you to a recent post by Treppenwitz on the art of blogging. Note the emphasis of being true to oneself.

Lioness said...

Excuses, excuses, excuses! You are commanded by God to entertain me, what could be truer than that??

Oh all right.

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