This year, as usual, I am on call. This is usual because most of my colleagues are Russian immigrants who have a passion for partying and celebration. Since the Jewish holidays are more important to me I don't mind being on call.
I remember a while back, I was on call in the MADA's Mobile ICU. Surprisingly, there were no traffic accidents due to the superb efforts of our men/women in blue. They were at every main intersection and the areas with a high saturation of pubs to prevent drunks from driving. Hopefully this year will be the same.
Unfortunately, there were not enough police to be inside the pubs. We were dispatched to a pub where a fight had occurred. Into the ambulance entered a huge Russian who wreaked of a nauseating combination of alcohol, blood, vomit, urine and feces. It was truely an attractive sight. He was also the proud owner of five extra holes that the Creator of the Universe had not intended. He had multiple stab wounds. Since he was conscious, I asked him what happened:
A ------- (ethnicity deleted) had hit on his wife. Since he had to protect her honor, he began arguing with the ------- (ethnicity deleted) who promptly bared a knife and exhibited his turkey carving skills to the assembled drunken partiers. Luckily for our patient, the -----(ethnicity deleted) was as inebriated as he, so that his trusty sabre only caused flesh wounds. Now, having seen the wife, who was almost as large as our patient and not as drunk, I came to the conclusion that she probably could have handled the lout herself.
I asked the gentleman if he learned something from this experience. He squinted at me completely uncomprehendingly (is that even a word?). I said, "When a -----(ethnicity deleted) hits on your wife, let her deal with him, and you just head for cover."
Fortunately for me, he didn't understand the joke.
Happy, and safe New Year to all.